This photo makes me feel like a pregnant goddess, the opposite of what pregnancy has actually felt like-- clearly my friend Brittany is so talented

12 days. 12 days from the date baby is due. He could come any time and the anticipation is terrifying and exciting! At any moment my life will change forever and it will happen in the next couple weeks. My impatience is very apparent in moments like this. To distract myself I thought it would be good to do a post or two before we are a family of three. If I finish the nursery this week, I'll document that too. Anyway, I want to remember the way Devan and I have looked at each other recently, not knowing the words to say but a look of pure naivety of what we're about to experience together. We ask constantly, "I wonder what he will look like".  I can't believe it won't be just us ever again, but I am not sad. This is our child. Half me and half the person I love the most in the whole world. (I forgot to warn you about this mushy post, sorry not sorry).

Our not-so-secret bon fire spot, we'll take anyone! It's one of my favorite places to be

In reality we haven't been 100% ourselves for so long because of the pregnancy but the "nesting" of nursery set up, evening walks, bike rides, so many trips to the pool-- they are our new normal and I can't wait to add a baby to these simple but perfect daily rituals. We've been able to fit in a bon-fire, some trivia nights, and jamming apricots (who even are we???). My job feels like a nuisance lately, I am so ready to meet my baby boy and meetings about product development feel extra long in comparison.

Our apricot tree produced thousands of mini apricots, it's a good year for offspring :) If jamming isn't considered "nesting" I don't know what is



Devan has a talent for great ideas when we need them most. He has taken me to three different pools the last week so I could feel lighter and not so uncomfortably pregnant after work. I have this selfie photo that makes me happy. My pregnant skin has been pretty good, the sun feels amazing and when I am floating in a pool I feel like maybe the life of motherhood won't be so scary.

I also want to thank all the friends and family that have spoiled me and baby boy. The beautiful baby showers were so generous and I feel so much love and support from those in my life.

Ma girls in Utah. This is only 1 of three baby showers I was given, did I already mention spoiled?!

We'll see how soon it takes me to document a birth story and my thoughts on early motherhood. Sleep deprivation is not easily dealt with in the Francis home, shit about to get real over here. I can't hardly wait.

The latest and greatest in our lives involves a tropical vacation, a growing baby bump and a small flicker of nesting that I might be actually feeling.


First with the baby bump. Here is my 26.5 week bump. I have such negative feelings for this tradition of sorts. I don't feel like I'm particularly glowing and nothing highlights a large breast size like a growing belly (if you know me, you know I hate those big things). But I should really set aside those feelings and let the photo remind me of the cool things like how baby boy seems to know when Devan is feeling my belly and always high fives or kicks the hardest. Also, pregnancy has actually gotten a lot better for me as far as feeling myself again. I'm just weeks, probably days away from absolute discomfort I'm sure. It feels like we're getting close, but then I talk to those that are weeks away from being due and I realize that 3 more months is actually a long time. Let's grow this baby!

We've recently been spoiled with a trip to Roatan, Honduras from Devan's parents. My in-laws are seriously the best. They found the most beautiful rental house on the island with a  private cove on the beach with lots of room and a pool. We got to spend an entire week with the Francis family and it was magical. From snorkeling at West End beach numerous times to authentic food and literally a million gelato trips! I can't thank Lori and Dave enough for such a beautiful trip. I love our late night card games (and the fact that I win so often) as well as spending that extra time with all the cute little nieces and nephews. There are some amazing moms and dads in my family, I'm sure learning a lot and taking notes.


Here are a few photos I'll want to look back on.

If I can remember that coconut gelato on rainy days in Utah, I could almost be back there.

 All my people. Cutest kids. Best humans to be with!

 Relaxation was no joke, this hammock (from my parents for Christmas! Thanks guys) and that view... get outta here.

 We were 2 almost 3 peas in a kayak pod. Sunset Kayaking was so beautiful. Nice hat Dev.

 Wish I got a pic of us in our snorkeling gear, but this is one we took before we went out. Fishes for days with the brightest colors!

Another awkward baby bump photo in my swimsuit. Got some sun bleached hairs going on toooo.

We lived in our swimsuits. And again, that view people!

 Ahhh presh.

 This was my view from our bedroom door for a whole week. take me back!

When I said we had a lot of gelato... I wasn't kidding.




I could add half a million more pics. Maybe I will later. Vacation is good for the soul. So thankful again for that trip. We are back home in real life. I'm at work right now trying to remember what the sun felt like. However, I've got that itch to begin making the home ready for baby boy! I bought my nursery paint color, some décor and want to get my guest bedroom and refresh my bedroom at the same time! Heck, I want to do the whole house! I need to go take some before and afters of the nursery for my next post. Peace out.

So we're having a baby! The words still feel surreal and the reality of it takes time to set in (maybe that's why pregnancy is 9 months... but you guys, 9 months is seriously a long time). Most of the time I am too anxious to wait. I have never been so baby hungry and I already imagine our baby in my arms. And other times, small short moments, I am overwhelmed with doubt. Do I really know how to care for a baby?! So many "what ifs" and thoughts of fear that I did not expect when sitting on the cusp of motherhood. 

 Through pregnancy I expected support and sympathy from Devan, because he is just that kind of person. However, I did not expect his overt acts of selflessness and service-- willing to get me anything and do anything to make me feel better. When he rubs my back at 4am because I'm frustrated with insomnia and I can tell he is barely awake, but awake still rubbing my back to help me go back to sleep. Devan is my antidote for the fear of becoming a parent. When I feel that overwhelming sense of responsibility I quickly remember Devan and how capable he is of being the best partner a person could dream up to raise a child with. He is sensible and researched, yet warm and loving. If I can follow his lead on things I don't know, I think this kid could end up just fine.

I always knew I wanted to start a family. I grew up knowing it'd eventually come, but I am starting to realize that I never fantasized about being a mother. I have spent the last 6 years working full time while finishing school and falling in love. Most of my "know how" and "being Kira" is actually quite selfish. Don't get me wrong, we have prayed for this moment to come! However, I legitimately feel like I don't have the maternal knack and instincts that might make up a mom who can manage a household. I'm messy (ask my friends, roommates, and Devan), I'm lazy (ask my Netflix account), and have no interest in the kitchen (ask everyone). I don't say these things to bring myself down, I am healthily aware that these are not my strengths and this self-awareness has gotten me by. If I know anything about being a new mother, I know every little weakness I have before will only be magnified when I have a baby. I'm tired now? You don't know exhaustion yet. Your room is messy now. Hahaha good luck cleaning that with a newborn. You have no dinner ideas lately? wow...

I guess what I am saying is motherhood will put a big fat magnifying glass over the things I have been complacent about thus far. I can only hope that me being aware of this will somewhat help  in making whatever small effort I can in the future.


I recently shared these fears with a friend and she told me, "that's what motherhood is for everyone, a magnifying glass on your weaknesses." I appreciated that perspective because I've always believed being a mother will make me a better person than any other responsibility.

One thing I know for sure, this kid will be loved a million times over. Grandparents so good, they should all really be raising this child. Aunts and Uncles on top of Aunts and Uncles who are each fun and unique in their own way. When I realize how lucky this baby is, I realize how lucky I already am.

Our baby boy is already everything. (besides how can you not love that thumb sucking little cutie!)

We love going to movies. We love talking about movies. Thought I would take this a step further and review some of my most favorite movies Devan and I have seen the past couple of months. Warning: these are all good reviews and recommendations. You might have to go somewhere else for bad reviews (like IMDB Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2).

Far from the Madding Crowd (2015)

 

I have to review this movie because it pulls at my Victorian England/Jane Austen heart strings. If you are a fan of Jane Austen in the slightest, I would make a sizeable bet that you would enjoy this movie. The movie is a remake and adaptation from the book “Far from the Madding Crowd” by Thomas Hardy.  First, let’s talk acting-- Carrie Mulligan plays the protagonist (Bathsheba Everdene) and she is a dream.  In fact, she has risen to one of my top women-crushes on screen and Devan pointed out that she is a perfect blend of Katie Holmes and Rachel McAdams, which I think is very accurate (Devan has a talent as this particular thing). Anyways, all other characters and specifically the three different suitors she faces throughout the movie all had stand-up performances. The movie wasn’t without its drama either- there is plenty of it. It wasn’t as slow as some of the Jane Austen movies you’ve come to know and love- so ladies, take your husbands/boyfriends.  Bathsheba is a headstrong woman fighting for independence and seeking love in all the wrong places. This is a relatable struggle that woman face across generations. Add some class to your chic-flic choices and put this movie on your list to see. (If your significant other won't watch it, call me- I'll watch it again).

Inside Out

 

Disney Pixar has done it again! I loved the originality of this story. The most resonating part of this film is the deeper meaning behind dealing with emotions, especially for children. I think the psychology behind this film is spot on and the humor is hilarious, I lol’d probably 100 times. I did not go with any kids, and I talked to several people that took kids to this movie and they all made the same comment- "It was way over my kids head and didn’t quite keep their attention the whole time." I could see how this would be true. The premise of the movie really hit home for me—I went through the same emotions when my parents moved our family from Utah to California. So take this review with a grain of salt—it’s my favorite Disney Pixar! Also- Amy Pohler as the voice of Joy was casted perfectly, she was perfect. I love you Amy Pohler. Hang out with me! Also, Mindy Kaling is the voice of disgust and when they offered her the role she was moved to tears and said, “I think it’s great that you guys are making a film that shows it’s hard to grow up and it’s ok to be sad about it.” Couldn’t have said it better myself Mindy. Hang out with me too.

 

Me and Earl and the Dying Girl

 

 

This movie had its debut at Sundance this last year. Naturally, there was a buzz about how good it was and it’s unique humor. There is nothing particularly special about the story line of this movie in the sense that it’s a high school drama/comedy and a girl that has cancer. We’ve seen hundreds of these movies. BUT you haven’t seen this one. This one is somehow better than the rest. It’s not heavily chick-flic ish (Fault in our Stars) nor is it purposely trying to make you cry (Walk to Remember). It’s something different. The dialogue and camera angles are fresher to me. Just see it guys.



Mad Max: Fury Road (2015)

I saw this trailer months before the movie came out and I promptly told Devan we had to see it. That comment surprised me because I’m not the biggest “action film” fan but something about the post-apocalyptic and Tom Hardy combination had me counting down until the day it opened. Let me just say, the movie lives up to the hype. There was zero disappointment and even surprise at how much I enjoyed this movie. Charlize Theron becomes the unknowing protagonist and her feminist mission is riveting. Plus, she still looks amazing with a buzzed haircut!  IMDB trivia is becoming my favorite go-to after a good movie, and I learned that over 80% of the action and stunts were real effects and used without CGI. I’m not an expert on this stuff—but you can tell it enhances the action and it feels so much more real. I don’t feel I can say much else, except maybe a small caveat for those that feel queasy from violence- it’s intense.

I wanted to do a post on Marriage (and post a few of my fav wedding photos!) I am coming up on my first anniversary. I understand I have YEARS ahead of me to truly learn what marriage is but I want to put on paper (or virtual paper) how I feel today. If I had known in my single dating years what I know now, I would be a lot less afraid of my future and overall happier-- so I guess this post is retrospectively for my former self and for those that still wonder.

 

You have to put my dating experience in the context of  Mormon culture. When I say it's hard to be single and 24, it actually can be. I recall feeling like my life was running on a treadmill- trying so hard to move forward but not actually going anywhere. If you feel this way, stop it. You are going somewhere and you are moving forward. I strongly believe that no girl should place their importance on whether or not they are a wife or a mother. You can be happy with just yourself. Best advice I ever heard, "marriage won't make an unhappy person happy". It's true and I remembered that often. I also forgot it often. When I remembered that advice, I chose to find the areas in my life that were growing- my education, my career, love for yoga, my relationships with girlfriends etc... 

 

 

 

In the same vein, I also believe that a culture revolved around marriage isn't a bad thing. I think marriage has elevated me in so many ways. I'm glad I still looked for it. The common censure that marriage is more like "a ball and chain" couldn't be more wrong for me. In fact, the exact opposite is true. I think being single made me a slave to the life of dating. A slave to my search for love. I have felt complete freedom of life since the moment I found my person. I believe marriage was my next step in this journey of life and has only given me thoughts that say,"I can do anything and be anything-- I have someone that supports and loves me no matter what. If I fall, I fall into him."

 

 

 

I'm getting beside my point, my point for this post is to say that it's ok to believe in a "fairy tale" happiness within reason. I am constantly surprised at how beautiful everything is. I shouldn't be surprised by this but years of dating can make you believe "love" isn't out there and everyone "settles" in one aspect or another. Wrong. I can honestly say I have married the man of my dreams and we live our version of a fairy tale life. We get to hang out every evening and talk/complain about work. We get to make dinner together and go to the gym and hit up the hot tub regularly. We get weekends full of good food and nieces/nephew hugs we want to never end. I guess the difference is choosing what you want your fairy tale to be. I decided what a good and happy life was when I met Devan. A fairy tale life centered on family, kindness and consideration.

I don't think life has to be hard. There will be hard things to live through but that doesn't have to dictate how you feel about living. Some may call me naïve and young in marriage and that may be true-- but for now, I am letting the beauty and happiness of life fill me in every corner of my being.

 

I love the number 9. This isn’t your average human/“favorite number” relationship. This is a love affair. The number 9 has always seemed to follow me in life in series of good fortune and comfort.

Starting at the beginning—I was born October 9^th, so nothing quite original there but a convenient place to start with a favorite number. As I read more about numerology, the more I loved my number 9. In numerology each person has what you call a “life path number” and it is figured out through a mathematical equation based on your birthday. (I fully understand that I sound like the crazed horoscope type… but what can you do). Mine happens to be the number 9. I share a birthday with John Lennon but we do not have the same life path number because of the different year he was born (which he relayed in an interview and talked about his love for the number 9 as well). The number 9 has many mysteries both mathematical and symbolic. It’s the magic number. Have you become addicted to the game Sudoku at any point in your life? It’s a complex number.

On my 9^th birthday my Grandma Davis gave me a birthday card with 9 crisp dollars inside the envelope. She explained to me how important this birthday was from all other birthdays - it was my Golden Birthday: the day your age and day of birth dance cohesively in perfect compatibility. Another memory burns crystal clear in mind’s eye. I was in the basement of my home in Layton, Utah in my Dad’s unfinished office. I was doing my math homework and my Dad taught me the multiplication of 9’s using only my fingers. “Hold out your ten fingers and put down the finger you want to multiply by 9. Line up the fingers on your left with your right and you have your answer!” It was magic.

As my life has moved forward a pattern has begun to form in my day to day routine. I see the time 10:09 am/pm almost every single day. It became so amusing to me that I think my internal clock knows that I check the time at 10:09 and I proceed to do so. The satisfaction of checking the time at 10:09 has infected my husband and he can’t get away from it. Devan and I were walking through Bed, Bath, and Beyond when we were engaged last year and we saw an entire wall of clocks both digital and traditional at exactly 10:09—this time was printed on the outer boxes as advertisements. I immediately googled the time 10:09 and found that it was the “official time” of Timex watches and clocks. In fact, most clock companies use 10:09 for advertisement because of its equal looking balance on the traditional clock. I somehow took this as a sign to apply for a job at Timex in Connecticut. I told them I was a 10:09 enthusiast on my application! I never heard from them… of course—because I sounded like an insane person.

 

I guess my point is—we humans love to attach ourselves and our personalities to “favorites” be it food, movies, music, colors, and numbers. I’ve always been torn between SO many favorite foods and music and movies and books but never numbers. I feel like I am a true number 9 and I wear the number on my neck—it makes me feel authentic, like maybe I know myself a little better than I sometimes question.

 

 

“Vulnerability is not weakness, vulnerability is our most accurate measure of courage.”

– Dr. Brene Brown (if you haven’t seen this Ted Talk yet, go watch it now)

I believe in vulnerability whole heartedly. I also believe that you have to experience vulnerability to feel the difference it can make in your life. Before I came to this realization, I saw myself as someone who could be what others wanted to see-- I could appear confident and I could do it well. Opening up and being ‘vulnerable’ were nothing but a pool of weaknesses I couldn’t afford to reveal. I worked hard at keeping myself bottled, and in complete control. News Flash—the exact opposite is true. If you want control, authenticity, and confidence it can come through vulnerability.

Yoga taught me a lesson on vulnerability. I know that vulnerability can be vague but in my experience it involved two large realms of my life—healthy body image and entering that scary dating world for real.

I believe that vulnerability is ultimate self-respect. In one of the first yoga classes that I attended years ago I had one of those “aha” moments. I was focused, involved, and completely present. I focused more on my breathing throughout the hour and internalized the words of my yoga teacher, “be familiar with your body and do so without judgment.” At the close of each class we lay on our backs in complete meditation (shavasana) and as I did, I began to cry. The relaxation and peace of mind I had felt had literally brought me to tears. No other thoughts of sadness, longing, or fear entered my mind—just purity and with that came a wave of emotion. Never have I cried that way before and it confused me. Laying on the yoga matt and accepting my body had allowed me to be completely vulnerable. Part of vulnerability is the acceptance of where you stand, how you feel, understanding your place in the journey of life and being fully present. In that hour I did not compare my body with others. I did not reflect longingly on that perfect gymnast body I had years ago. I didn’t shame at my lack of strength or perfect movements. I just accepted myself. Being vulnerable felt almost invincible and I began to open up to those around me. Vulnerability is liberating.

Of course, I slip like everyone else. There are harder days even now. But I try to remember this experience that vulnerability led me to acceptance that in turn led me to self-respect. I wanted to share this because courage is something we need daily and I believe you can find courage in vulnerability.